Most of us hit a stage in long-term relationships where it seems like no matter what our partner does, it gets on our nerves and puts us in a bad mood. While this is normal and sometimes even healthy, getting angry or annoyed at your partner can become bothersome for both of you. Fortunately, there are ways to overcome these irritable moments and strengthen the relationship.
Why We Start to Resent Our Partner
To come to resent certain little things about your partner is not something that happens suddenly. It starts with small irritations that appear for a reason, like being annoyed that your partner never puts their dirty clothes in the hamper, and remain unaddressed for a long time.
It’s important to figure out why you have come to resent things about your partner. The reasons can include financial stress, underachievement, conflicting parenting approaches, and other issues that you haven’t addressed or resolved. This is exactly why these things keep being problematic. Sometimes, such factors become obvious after the initial bliss of the relationship, and sometimes, they appear much further down the road when you know your partner better.
Try Making a List
All relationships go through tough moments. Reality brings many challenges—sometimes mundane and sometimes serious—and blaming your partner will not solve them. Consider the pros and cons of the relationship, and keep in mind that brains naturally always want to highlight all the negative stuff. Consciously think about all the nice things about your partner and why you love them.
This can be done by making a list of all of their positive and annoying traits. It will help you remember that it’s not all bad. Writing has the power to allow thoughts to flow and will get you there because it will help you get in touch with your feelings. If you can’t think of anything good, it may be time to reconsider the relationship itself.
Talk About Things Together
To avoid getting to a place where you resent things about your partner, make sure to communicate with them regularly. Open communication is crucial to a relationship and has to be done when everyone is in a balanced mood. This will help you avoid allowing small things to intensify over time and become big problems.
Some couples even schedule time for good and serious talks about their relationship, which can be helpful if it’s hard for you to talk about serious topics. Communication is ultimately the key to solving problems before they destroy the relationship.